Kid Stuff, Q & A, part 3

Q: How does a single mom continue to discipline and guide a child when the other parent is "the pal" and tells the child he doesn't need to obey?

A: I received several question like this one. Unfortunately, most divorces are ugly. In fact, I can count on one hand how many "friendly divorces" I've seen in my life. Usually there is so much hurt that ex-spouses try to get back at each other...too often kids get caught in the cross-fire or used as pawns to wound the ex. My response is that ex-spouses have to drop their weapons and call a cease fire when it comes to the kids and raising them right. Great effort and energy must be put into "same page alignment" when it comes to parenting. Sit down with your ex and say, "We may hate each other, but there's one thing we love in common, our kids. And if we don't come together and cooperate and do what's best for them, we will ruin them just like we ruined our marriage." What I'm saying is sit down and be mature and agree to a parenting strategy that's best for the kids. No more games.

I know this won't be easy. Make the attempt. Do your best. Take the first step. That's all you can do. I applaud you for not giving up or giving in and taking the easy way out.

Kid Stuff, Q & A, part 2

Q: Would you say a blanket NO to letting kids play traveling sports?

A: If I had the courage I would! Seriously, traveling sports is a curse and a blessing. My opinion is that they do more harm than good. There's a lot of research out there that says kids/teens have lost their ability to do anything on their own because everything is now organized for them by adults. They no longer have the ability to "entertain" themselves. The other down-side regarding traveling sports is it gobbles up practically every night of the week. That's bad for everyone. When does a family just hang out together and do nothing? When do they sit around the supper table and talk and not have to worry about running off to practice or a game? I would argue that it's 10 times better for a kid to play catch in the backyard with a parent than to be in a traveling sport. Parents, don't be afraid to go against the grain on this issue.

Kids Stuff Q&A

OK...I'm overwhelmed with questions from the weekend (true confession #1) AND I'm no expert when it comes to raising kids (true confession #2). But, I'll give each question my best shot.

Q #1: What advice do you have for parents who have "twixters" (22-26 year olds) living at home free of charge? How do we parents at this stage get the adult child to move on?

A: First, I'd have to ask why they're home. Is it for a good reason (saving $ for college or paying off college debt before moving out) or a bad reason ("I just want to have fun and no responsibility")? If it's for good reasons, give them a little slack. If they just want to sponge off of you and not grow up, I think you have to set some clear boundaries with them. Tell them you love them but you no longer will contribute to their immaturity. Give them a date when one of 2 things will happen: A. They will start paying you for room and board; or, B. They will move out. What I've heard from parents who have done this is that once the Twixter starts paying for room and board they don't stay home very long. Don't wait another day to do this. And, once that "day" is determined you MUST stick with it without wavering.